In exactly 3 hours and 8 minutes from now I will be at my friend Tyler's house ringing in the new year with his mom, Judith, and a few of our close friends. I will be saying goodbye to 2008. Goodbye to my first semester in college. My first time being away for a significant time from my family and home. But for now... even though I know this time of the year is meant to be a celebration of future possibilities, all I can clearly see for my future is even more uncertainty. I know I said I was going to stay focused on this journal and keep it up to date, but with the introduction of college and a whole new city, workload, and friends I guess somewhere along the way I just got caught up in trying to keep my head above the endless sea of english papers and math formulas. I guess I'm just left wondering where the time went. Where all the memories went. When my friends decided anything worth doing had to include alcohol or drugs. And what new goals I plan on setting in terms of my future....

I'm not going to go into my experience at college so far, because, to be honest, I could probably complete a series of novels to rival those of J.K Rowling and J.R.R.Tolkin in length. And while they may not be as entertaining as a hobbit fighting to save his kingdom or Harry uncovering his powers at Hogwarts they definitely don't lack in the realms of absurd, annoying, and just plain crazy. But enough about that... that happened in 2008 and like i mentioned, that'll be over in 2 hours and 59 minutes.

No this journal is dedicated to me getting back into the swing of things. And trying to actually follow through in something non school related for once. I look at my future in college and I'm left uncertain with admissions... I'm currently switching majors and have never been more unsure and no in control of anything like this in my life before. I guess that would be something that I could consider for 2009. Maybe I'll attempt to stop being so afraid to try new things and let my guard down. Not be afraid to make a full of myself in front of others and actually go out of my way to meet new people. It's a whole new year, and while I'm sure I may still revert back to my 2008 ways I'll promise that I'll do my best to attempt to stick with this new found 2009 attitude. I don't want to have to depend on others so much, and I don't want them to feel as though they have to include me for the sake of including me. I want to really make an attempt to change this year... I think it's time I grow up a little and stop being afraid to look under the bed, because honestly the boogie man can't really be that bad. (can he?) And while I know I am going to push myself in certain aspects that I probably wouldn't otherwise, I know that I'll have a solid base to whom I can rely on and turn to just in case the boogieman does prove tougher than expected. After all... I'm not saying I'm going to be sleeping with the closet door wide open quite yet... but I don't think I'll be needing the night light anymore. Baby steps 2009... baby steps.